32. Morning sickness.
I hang up on Joelle without saying a word and look Bruno right into his eyes. ‘…you h-…’ ‘I. Do. Not. Have. A. Kid.’ I say reassuring him everything is okay. ‘Then what was that about?’ he asks. His face looked saddened. I think that’s just because of the fact that I informed him about this part of my life that I had completely forgotten. I sigh. ‘..Couldn’t you hear?’ ‘That’s kind of hard when you start whispering.’ I sigh ‘Bruno please..’ ‘No. Tell me. We’re not going back inside before you clear this up.’ God I hate this part of him. It’s a good thing that he’s determined but it’s a bad thing that his over protective instincts sometimes take over his mind. It wasn’t even like I was talking to my boyfriend anymore, it felt like I was talking to my dad… when he was still sane. ‘I was young. I had sex. I got pregnant, I took a morning after pill. No baby. End of story.’ ‘What?’ ‘…I was y-..’ ‘I heard you Alissa.’ Bruno says turning around walking up to this little bench sitting down not saying a word. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin his night. ‘..Bruno..’ ‘Why haven’t you told me?’ ‘I forgot.’ He turns his head looking at me with a “shut up” face. ‘I’m serious. Joelle texted me telling me that she had seen the guy.. in L.A and that just brought everything back to me. I know it’s ending a life, but honestly I don’t regret it. If I had a baby at 16. Living in my father’s house it would either be me or the baby who wasn’t coming out alive. And you know that.’ ‘I believe you.’ He sighed. ‘and I understand you.’ I let out a big sigh and sit next to him. ‘Good. Because the only babies I’ll be wanting to have are going to be yours.’ He looked at me smiling. The smile on his face is one I haven’t seen yet. It was like I made his day saying that. Or even his year. He pecked my lips softly making me shiver. ‘..I love you.’
Bruno’s Mind 11.23 AM @ LAX airport.
Being back here is like..going from heaven to well…earth. After a good week spending time with family it was obvious that reality was going to set in someday soon. And that day is today. March 23th 2008. Going back home was weird, but good. It was the first time going back and it was nerve wrecking but next time I will go back with more confidence and more pride and more stories to tell. I was so afraid to go back into that house but Alissa was right, they were going to be proud of me either way and yes it was amazing seeing my entire family again. But just when I got attached to that environment again I had to leave. That was the worst thing probably, having to say goodbye and come back who knows when to eventually say goodbye again. I’m more of a “Hello, I’m Bruno” person than a “Bye friends, I’m going to miss you” person. I heard Alissa’s laughter and I completely snapped out of it. I looked at her. ‘What are you laughing at?’ I asked. Alissa bit her lip pointing to Joelle and Phredley making a fool out of themselves in public just to get our attention. ‘STOP IT ALREADY!’ Alissa yells and immediately Phred stops wiggling his butt. We walk up to them I give Phredley the man hug and just casually hugged Joelle. When Alissa greeted Phred she looked at Joelle chuckling and out of nowhere Joelle jumps at her squeezing her for what seemed like a very long time. ‘That looks painful..’ Phred commented. ‘Well, she’s laughing so..’ ‘Yeah, I gotchu.’ Alissa struggled to get out of Joelle’s grip but she succeeded. ‘I knew it! You missed me..’ ‘Well yeah! After two weeks of worrying to death I felt your presence for like an hour and then you went on and left again… to fucking Hawaii.’ Joelle and Alissa were talking for a while so I decided to get something to get a coffee with Phred. ‘So..how did everything go?’ ‘Great..well..shit got crazy when we went to Alissa’s old house.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘We spotted her mom.’ Phredley’s eyes widened and he stood still in front of me so I couldn’t walk along. ‘..Tell me that’s a sick joke..’ ‘I wish.’ ‘Damn you must’ve gone through a lot that week.’ ‘Not only me but Alissa too. All that I know is that I need to get drunk. A.S.A.P’ ‘..Tonight?’ We started walking again. I shrugged. ‘I think tonight is a little too soon. And I need Alissa to go out with her friends as well. I don’t want to show my drunk self to her anytime soon.’ ‘..Why?’ ‘Her dad was an alcoholic remember? No matter what I say don’t make me go home that night.’ ‘Fine bro. I’ll inform the others.’ ‘cool..’ I bought 4 regular mocca flavored coffees and get them handed in a weird cup holding thing. ‘A little help here..’ I say when one of the cups is almost falling off. Like a ninja Phred grabs two of them and we start walking back to the girls. ‘…so how is Alissa coping with it?’ ‘unexpectedly good.’ I sigh ‘Too good.’ ‘As in…’ ‘I know Alissa more than anyone. Joelle even admitted that. And I just know that there is no way she copes with this so well. No way.’ ‘..you don’t believe her.’ ‘she never told me she was okay..she just brushed it off so there is nothing to believe anyw..’ ‘There you guys are!’ Joelle said kinda relieved. ‘Yeah, we’ve been searching the whole department.’ ‘..I told you we were getting coffee..’ I said confused. ‘..No you didn’t..’ Joelle said. ‘Yes..yes he did.’ Phred said raising an eyebrow. ‘They probably couldn’t hear me over their excitement.’ ‘..Possibly..’ Joelle chuckled. ‘I uhh.. I wanna go home. Rest.’ I say. Alissa nods ‘I get it.’ Phredley looked at me concerned. I wanted him to stop looking at me like that because Alissa was going to notice and ask questions. ‘Why the big frown on your face?’ she says pointing at his eyebrows. Too late. Phred panicked. ‘Uhh..well..man..he got tan as fuck..’ ‘..Y-yeah..’ I jump in. ‘I was on the beach most of the time.’ ‘Oh, cool..’ complete silence between us four. ‘Uhm..well okay let’s go then..’
Alissa insisted on unpacking everything immediately. Cause If we didn’t do it now we would never, or something like that. When we finally finished up I let myself fall onto the couch. I hate airplanes. One day I will be able to fly first class for the rest of my life. I also have to go to work tomorrow and I’m going to have to be mentally preparing myself of the fact that I have to get my creative mind working again. I heard Alissa come down. She opened the living room door and laughed at me for laying there like an idiot. Her hair was tied, sweatpants no make-up on looking gorgeous as always. ‘Want something?’ She asked walking to the kitchen. I shook my head and let myself fall back in the same position again. ‘So what are you planning to do tomorrow night?’ I asked.
“You didn’t even had to lie about it?’ Ryan asks surprised. ‘..I don’t lie to Alissa..’ Ryan scoffed ‘Oh yeah, right I forgot..true love.’ ‘You’re just a jealous little man whore Ryan.’ Phredley said laughing. ‘Says the guy who knocks up the rebound chick.’ My eyes widened and Jamareo cleared his throat while Eric was laughing. ‘I’ll get the drinks..’ Jamareo said. ‘Yeah, yeah good call..’ Kenji says walking with Jam. Phil walked in the bar and walked up to us. ‘Sorry man, I had to drop the kids at grandma, and Urbana at the movie theatre so..’ ‘We get it bro.’ I said smiling. ‘Why so tense?’ he asked. ‘Ryan and Phredley made shitty comments.’ ‘I told you to leave the women home!’ he practically yells. We all start laughing, even Ryan and Phred. Kenji and Jamareo come back both holding a tray, on with the glasses and one with the alcohol. ‘..Come to papa!’ Eric says pouring the drinks in for everyone. When we all had a glass we smiled to each other. Kenji put his glass up and we all started doing the same. ‘To brotherhood man.’ He said. And before I knew it, my glass was empty. ‘Yo bro! Refill please.’
Alissa’s Mind @ Joelle’s place. 1.34 AM
As I sat down on the couch completely exhausted from my rough day I looked at Joelle. She came out of her room with her sweat short and her white strapped t-shirt. Urbana and yes Dionne (We made up) were sitting in front of me on the opposite couch. ‘So sis, next time try to cover yourself a little more when we go to the club k?’ ‘What are you talking about? I was wearing skinny jeans with a top.’ ‘..Then just try be more ugly.’ Urbana said. ‘Yeah, you almost cheated on Bruno without noticing.’ Dionne chuckled ‘Shut up’ I said giving them all a glare. They laughed and Joelle sat next to me. ‘I wonder how the guys are doing?’ ‘I bet they’re drunk.’ Dionne said chuckling. ‘Well..one of em has to drive the car back home so..’ I shrugged. And after 3 seconds of silence we looked at each other. ‘Kenji’ we almost sang in harmony. I chuckled and looked at Dionne. ‘How about you?’ I asked. ‘What about me?’ ‘You drank tonight so does that mean…’ ‘I was never pregnant. The test lied or..that’s what the doctor told me.’ Urbana’s eyes almost popped out. ‘YOU COULDN’T TELL US THAT!?’ ‘WELL NO! When I was with you I was with Phredley…and..’ ‘You’re putting him to the test are you?’ Joelle asked. She nodded and sighed. ‘So you’re just going to lie about it to him?’ I asked ‘Probably.’ ‘When are you telling him the truth?’ ‘When he cracks and can’t take it anymore, and that’s probably going to be when I take him into stores buying all things baby on his credit card.’ We all started laughing. ‘So you know?’ Joelle asked ‘Jup, I’ve been the rebound all along. I was too stupid to notice. It’s just that..I’ve been hurt to many times before and that’s why I wanted to believe that he was Mr. Right.’ ‘Well, Mr. Right forgot to turn right.’ Urbana said. ‘I understand that..’ I said sighing. ‘And how about you?’ Dionne asked me. Fuck. Are they serious. Now I’m the one to open up but everything I have been through the past weeks is something I can’t tell. Well, not in my sisters presence. ‘Yeah how was Hawaii?’ Urbana asked kinda getting ready to hear the story, leaning back and still looking at me with the same questioned expression. ‘Well I guess it was nice, Bruno’s family is the sweetest and..’ ‘Okay shut up already, what are you hiding?’ Joelle asked. ‘YOU PREGNANT!?’ Urbana yelled. ‘NO!? DAMN IT.’ Dionne laughed at me and so did Urbana but Joelle..she knew something was off. ‘Twin telepathy’ Dionne whispered. ‘Okay, Bruno and I decided to know each other a little more..’ ‘Like Anal?’ Urbana asked. ‘OH MY GOD! NO’ I said almost choking to death in my own saliva. ‘WE GAVE EACH OTHER CHILD HOOD TOURS THROUGH HAWAII.’ I almost yelled in her face. ‘Well!’ she said. Joelle was still dead serious and Dionne was almost dying of laughter, if she WAS pregnant. That baby would be dead by now. ‘I showed him my old schools, the places I used to work and hang out, the playground I used to play at when I was little and..also the house.’ Joelle shivered at that thought. ‘You went back there?’ she said disgusted. I nod. ‘How was it?’ Urbana asked. ‘Unreal. Everything looks exactly the same even our bedrooms.’ ‘You went in?’ Dionne said raising her eyebrows. ‘The backdoor must’ve been open.’ Joelle said staring into distance. ‘Exactly.’ I looked at Joelle who looked like she was somewhere far away. ‘And how about you?’ I quickly said knowing this silent moment was my only chance to change the subject. Joelle shrugged. ‘I honestly have nothing to say. Cause..everything you see, is everything that happens. Nothing special. Just..life.’ she said. Joelle was the last person to say something about personal stuff. She’d tell me, but she’d still think twice about it. ‘And you?’ Joelle asked Urbana. ‘Zadeh is a pain in the ass. And so if Phil. It’s like taking care and waking up in the middle of the night for two children. Don’t get me wrong Phil is the most amazing man to me but he can have his moments. It’s times like these I honestly enjoy. No crying baby, and no guy who asks me to pass him the remote even though it’s in front of me. Or the kind that stays at work until 4 in the morning. It exhausting.’ ‘Life is exhausting’ Dionne said.
My fear of drunk men doesn’t linger knowing it’s Bruno, It’s just a fear of drunk men and since he’s a man..well..fuck. I was just hoping I was home earlier than he was and I’m about to find out. As I open the front door I hear nothing which left me relieved but he could be upstairs. I search the house and I haven’t found him so I decide to take a shower and go to sleep.
As I lay in bed I feel cold, not having someone to cuddle with or someone to snuggle up to. I got so used to the fact of him being around while I’m in bed that it’s almost impossible to fall asleep. Creepy thoughts get in my head, and I kept getting up to check if there wasn’t someone in the house to kill me. When I heard the door open I nearly sprinted to my bed like a hyena just to pretend to be asleep, and also so I wouldn’t have to witness “Drunk Bruno.” But something also re-assured me of everything being okay because he’s here. And he’ll protect me no matter what. I close my eyes with that thought and as I felt myself drift away I felt him touch my cheek softly. ‘Goodnight baby..’ he said kissing my forehead. His breath was minty fresh, but he was chewing gum. I could hear that. I guess they sobered up before going home cause I wasn’t feeling it.. I felt him take the sheets of off me and crawling into bed, putting the sheets on top of me again. I turned around opening my eyes catching him staring at me. ‘..Hi..’ I whispered. He smiled. ‘Hi.’ He whispered back. ‘You drunk?’ I asked. He chuckled. ‘Very.’ ‘You talk sober..’ ‘Let’s say that, I can’t be serious when sober and I can be serious when drunk..but..I can still party.’ He said smiling. He studied my eyes a little and sighed. ‘Sleep. You look like you’re about to pass out. Just like Ryan, but he actually did.’ ‘Try be more careful okay?’ I asked still whispering. ‘..Will do..’ He said just to sooth me I guess, I know he’s going to ignore it..or well..forget it. He got closer and made sure I was comfortable in his arms, and before I knew it I was having sweet dreams.
‘Urgghh..’ Bruno mumbled. I looked up at him, because well..he woke me up. He had his hand that was on my hip now on his forehead. ‘Lord have mercy’ he whispered. I looked at him worried. ‘…hangover?’ ‘No I’m still hanging.’ He said groaning. ‘..Is it that bad?’ I asked removing his warm hand and putting mine on his forehead because it was well..cold. ‘I could bake an egg on you, you know?’ ‘Please do. I’m starving.’ ‘You’re sick.’ I said frowning. ‘No I’m not.’ He said stubborn trying to get up but as soon as he was standing he fell back on the bed again with his head on my lap. I got my fingers through his hair. ‘Take a shower, you’ll feel better.’ ‘Is that a nice way of saying that I smell like alcohol?’ ‘It’s a nice way of saying : “get the fuck up I can’t feel my legs”.’ Bruno put all of his strength into getting up or..it seemed like it. When he could stand on his own two feet without falling back for longer than 5 seconds he took the shot and walked to the bathroom. ‘..fucking idiot.’ ‘HEARD THAT’ he yelled. ‘SO YOU HEAR THAT BUT YOU DON’T HEAR ANYTHING WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME!?’ got we sound…married. ‘EXACTLY.’ He yelled. And as soon as I heard the shower run I knew he was naked. ‘Need help?’ I asked leaning on the closed bathroom door. ‘..Sure..’ he asked pervy. ‘Good to know.’ I said ‘Damnnn. I’m going to unfold your perfectly fold laundry I swear to god Alissa.’ My eyes widen. ‘Not funny!’ I heard him laugh and I sighed walking down the stairs. When I got down I could hear him sing. ‘One shot for my pain, one drag for my sorrow, Get messed up today. I’ll be okay tomorrow.’ I liked the sound of it and as he started to repeat everything over and over again like he didn’t want to forget the line before he got out of the shower to write it down somewhere. ‘One shot for my pain, one drag for my sorrow, Get messed up today. I’ll be okay tomorrow’ I heard again while preparing breakfast. I didn’t hear the shower run any longer so that must mean he’s done. As I put everything on the dining table I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket so I pick up. ‘Hello?’ ‘Hey Alissa, did Bruno come home last night?’ Eric’s worried voice asked me. ‘Yeah why?’ ‘Well, he isn’t picking up his phone and stuff.’ ‘He’s in the shower..’ I reply. ‘Oh.. well okay t-thanks.’ ‘…you sound upset.’ ‘I AM ALISSA I AM!’ my eyes widen from the loud noise coming from the phone. ‘Eric calm down? What happened?’ ‘He didn’t tell you?’ ‘Well. He didn’t have the chance to tell me anything.’ ‘..Oh..’ ‘What though?’ ‘No..nothing, uhh. Let him explain.’ ‘Fine..’ ‘Okay I’ll call him back later okay, don’t tell I called.’ ‘..But wh-‘ Beeeeeep.
I look at my phone confused as hell and that’s when Bruno walked in. He started laughing at me and I looked up at him. ‘I know you’re not the type for technology but come on..that’s not a pretty face’ he said still chuckling. ‘Uhm yeah, I just got a weird call.’ ‘What like a stalker?’ he said all protective. Há, cutie. ‘No.’ ‘Oh good..’ he said sitting down at the table. I sat down too and before he started attacking the food like he hadn’t eaten in 6 years he looked me straight in my eyes and dropped his fork with the piece of bacon on it. ‘I have to tell you something.’ My eyes widened. ‘You do?’ He chuckled. ‘Why are you so surprised?’ I wanted so say, well I thought it was going to be the same thing all over again, you keep things from me, I find out, we fight, we make up, have sex and then the whole thing starts all over again but I just answered with a simple : ‘Oh nothing..just..tell..’ ‘Like..I hardly remember cause I was pretty hammered but..I was slutting around with the guys and all of the sudden this dude came up to me, telling me that he knew me and that he knew you..and he tried punching me but Eric stepped in so he punched Eric..and then this whole fight started out and this guy got kicked out.’ ‘…That makes no sense’ ‘I told you, I don’t remember the important parts..’ ‘Well, Eric called me.’ ‘He did? What’d he say?’ Bruno says shoving food down his throat. Hardly paying attention to what he had told me. he must’ve been really drunk. ‘..Nothing much, he just wanted to talk to you about what happened last night I guess.. What’d he look like?’ ‘Uhm..he was uhh tall blond sexy muscular blue eyes’ Bruno said laughing. I laughed with him out of his stupidity and I could see he was trying the hardest to remember. ‘He was a black..but not black you know? .He also had like…sort of flat hair, but curly. I don’t know the only thing I remember was the fucking gab in his teeth. Not attractive. Only with women.’ My eyes widen. Kameron. All of the sudden I forget how to move or even react like a normal person would. Bruno put his fork down looking at me taking my hand that was on the table. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘That’s Kameron..’ ‘Who?’ he said raising an eyebrow. ‘What? Did you lose half of your brain last night or something?’ ‘I don’t know, probably.’ ‘Remember outside of that bar in Hawaii?’ This time Bruno’s eyes widened. ‘The mother fucker tried to hit me! How does he even know me!?’ ‘I don’t know..It’s bad enough that he’s here, In L.A’ Bruno sniffed. ‘We’re all here Alissa..and if I’m not that the other guys are. He won’t bother you. Not anymore.’ I smiled and looked at him. ‘Thank you.’ ‘I’m serious. If I ever see him near you I’ll snap.’ I sigh and get up. ‘I’m not so hungry..’ I say throwing away my food. ‘You’re not eating properly..’ Bruno said. ‘You mean like you? I never did eat like you.’ ‘No babe..’ he got up and hugged me from behind. ‘When we were in Hawaii you could barely get something down your throat.. and now you’re throwing your food away again what’s wrong?’ ‘I know.’ ‘You don’t think you’re fat do you?’ he said turning me around looking me in my eyes. I shook my head. ‘No, It’ll be over soon I think it’s the medication.’ ‘..probably’ he said. I looked at him. You look better. ‘I feel a lot better..’ he says. ‘Take an aspirin..just in case’ ‘Good idea..’ he said tapping my nose. I smiled. And as I watched him do all the last minute things he does before he goes to work he finally left. I ran upstairs not knowing where to start. I looked everywhere in my stuff for Kameron’s number. I had to have it somewhere. Not in my laptop, not in my phone, not written somewhere in some of my useless shit. Not in my agenda, not in old school shit when I was hopelessly in love with him. Nothing. Nowhere to be found, and if he had the same number? God only knows. I called Joelle but to my surprise Jamareo answered it. ‘Hello?’ he said. ‘Hey, Is Joelle somewhere in your sight?’ ‘No not really, she’s in the shower. I wish she was in my sight right now though..’ ‘OKAY got it! Uhh tell her to call me back okay.’ ‘..Are you okay you seem worried’ ‘Would it surprise you if I told you I was?’ ‘Not really..well I have to go to I’m going to help Phredley.’ I chuckled ‘With what?’ ‘Oh, he needs a better job for the baby you know.’ ‘Baby..’ I said in deep thoughts. ‘Yes..Alissa..baby, you know Dionne.’ ‘YES! Yes Dionne’ ‘Uh okay, so I’ll hear from Joelle whatever the problem was.. should I tell her something..’ ‘Yeah. Tell her to meet me for lunch at that little French place next to the mall 12:30.’ ‘I will, have fun’ ‘Yeah..you too.’ And with that I hang up. I look around the room and I see that I’ve made the biggest mess ever, it’s even worse from when Joelle and I had that food fight. Well..at least I don’t have to scrape raw eggs from the wall. I clean up a bit and get ready to not only meet Joelle, but stalk Kameron. I have to talk to him. He may get a heart attack seeing me but..that’d be good. I know that I am the one who left, and I am the one who made the damn decision not to keep that kid, but I knew he wasn’t going to help me with anything anyway, and again. The way I was treated back home.. I wouldn’t let that happen to my kid. I did it a favor. I know I did. I get my keys and decide to walk there. It wasn’t too far, well for me at least. When I get there I see Joelle at a table playing with her phone. ‘Siiiiisss’ I say putting down my bag and sitting down. ‘Hellooo’ she said looking at me closing one eye because the sun was shining in her eyes brightly. ‘Hold on a sec’ I say getting my sunglasses out of my bag and handing it to her. ‘Ahhh thank you!’ she says. I smile. ‘So what uhh..what are you up to?’ ‘..How do you know I’m up to something?’ ‘Jamareo told me there was this fight with a guy..he said he barely remembered though..does this little meet up has got to do anything with that?’ ‘You could probably say that..yes’ ‘Well girl, tell me.’ ‘Bruno also said he hardly remembered, but he did describe him a little and I knew for a fact that it has got to be Kameron.’ ‘…Wh..no.’ ‘YES’ ‘How does he know Bruno though?’ ‘Let’s ask him’ I say waiting for her reaction but the only thing she does is grin at me. ‘..FINALLY! Something to do in this town.’ ‘Get a job.’ I say smiling. ‘YOU GET A JOB!’ we both laugh remembering our grandma giving us hour long lectures about getting a real job. Not dancing or..well choreographing dances and not painting or sculpting. She always wanted us to become lawyers, or doctors or whatever. ‘We let her down Lisss.’ Joelle says pretending to cry. I laugh. We always hated her. She was the mother of my dad and when it comes to them, they’re exactly the same. ‘She’s dead , we won’t bother her.’ I said. ‘Probably.’ ‘How old was she when we left like.. 90?’ ‘She looked like she was huh?’ ‘I’m serious Alissa.’ ‘She was 68 or something. I couldn’t give a flying fuck to be honest.’ ‘Ugh well okay so what’s the..’ ‘Hi ladies can I get you something to drink?’ We both looked up to this tall blond guy who looked like he was in his mid-twenties. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days and when he took out his pen he yawned. Even though he looked like a shit he still seemed like the nicest person in the world. ‘Water for me please’ Joelle said. ‘Yeah, me too.’ ‘And the food?’ ‘..number..23.’ ‘Same here’ Joelle said. ‘So two waters and two roasted chicken sandwiches with lettuce, tomato and mayo.’ ‘Yeah, that’s it’ Joelle said. ‘It’ll be served as soon as possible.’ He said smiling, walking away. ‘He seemed sweet’ I said. ‘Yeah, so did grandma.’ We both start laughing. ‘Okay, now really, what’s the plan. I mean we have no phone number, no address, no nothingggg’ Joelle said sighing. ‘Dionne could have his number..they were close friends right?’ I asked. ‘Yes, but if we ask his number she’s going to start to ask questions..you know her.’ ‘I do..and..’ ‘WAIT!’ Joelle yelled. I nearly fell of my chair as I gave her a death glare. ‘What..’ ‘KENJI, he was the sober one. He knows everything. And he’s always honest. If we just ask Kenji what happened at distract Dionne so we can snoop her phone than..we have got a simple start.’ ‘…Genius..’ I say. ‘I know I know..’ I sigh. ‘No really, I’m surprised, you’ve gotten a lot smarter since you’ve been dating Jamareo.’ ‘Any idiot could come up with that plan.’ ‘…Dionne..’ ‘…Never mind..’ we chuckle and our food arrives. I knew that getting to Joelle was the right thing to do. Now we just have to put this little thing to work..
Bruno’s Mind @ The Studio. 3.30 PM
I sat on the couch with my guitar in my hands about to fall asleep. I didn’t want to, but I just had no strength. I felt worse than ever. I have to start listening to Alissa. ‘You have to start listening to Alissa man. You look worse than ever.’ Ari said turning around in his chair. ‘You look like shit.’ Phil said. ‘Thanks.’ I say throwing a pillow at his head. He caught it and threw it back, I wasn’t even able to move to even keep the pillow from hitting me right in the face. ‘Okay, I’m taking you home.’ ‘NO PHIL DON’T YOU DARE, HE’S THE KEY TO THIS SONG’ ‘Ari, don’t be a fucking turd okay. He’s sick so selfishness is not the thing that’s gonna give us the demo to this track. Cause if he looks like shit and is about to pass out, I don’t think he still sings like a motherfucking angel.’ ‘Thanks.’ I say opening my eyes. ‘It’s the truth bro.’ ‘I can sing.’ ‘Don’t be stubborn.’ ‘I just said I can sing. I don’t know If I’m going to be able to stand for longer than ten seconds but I’ll sit.. on a chair..with something to lean on…left, right, front and back support please’ ‘Take him home’ Ari says dryly turning around showing his back to me. ‘Come on baby, jump into my arms.’ Phil said spreading his arms widely. I chuckle and get up walking like 2 kilometers per hour. But I made it! I’m in the car and I soon as I knew we drove off.
After I thank Phil for dropping me off, I shut the door behind me and drop myself on the couch. I haven’t felt this sick in a long time but I’ll just casually act like it’s no big deal. I won’t hold Alissa up from doing whatever she has to do so she can baby me. I know she’s going to, but I don’t want that. After a while I just fell asleep curled up in a blanked on the couch. I was freezing even though it hasn’t been this hot in L.A for over a month. I kept waking up every half hour turning around, trying to find a good position to fall asleep in and finally when I did, the doorbell rang. I just decided to ignore it unless I heard a familiar voice, that’s when I’m going to check who it is. I waited for over five minutes and I didn’t hear anything I decided to close my eyes again.
I woke up and recognized a familiar smell, It almost smelled like Eric’s ‘special’ chicken. And it really is special because out of all brothers and sisters he is the only one who can cook this recipe exactly like mom does. I opened my eyes and felt someone play with my hair. I looked up in a hurry wanting to know who it was but when I saw Alissa’s calming eyes looking at me I calmed down immediately. ‘Hello..’ she whispers. I smile. ‘How did I end up on your lap?’ I ask taking her hand of my forehead playing with her fingers. ‘I just..lifted your head and..sat down.’ she says chuckling. I turn myself around a little seeing Eric in the kitchen. ‘What the..’ I manage to get out. He turned around smiling. ‘I’M COOKING BRO!’ ‘I see..but why?’ ‘Cause when you’re sick this is the only thing you eat.’ ‘True.’ I said. ‘Who talked?’ I asked Alissa looking up at her face. ‘Phil, he told me how you were about to pass out and I was about to pass out myself so I called Eric and he was like, “I gotchu” so..yeah..’ ‘Weren’t you home?’ I asked. She just shook her head. ‘Lunch with Joelle.’ She said five seconds later. I nod understanding trying to get up. As I sat up my head felt heavy so I threw my head back and groaned a little. ‘What happened to you all of the sudden?’ Alissa asked worried stroking my cheek. ‘I don’t know. All I know is that I need to get better by Saturday because I have a meeting with the head of Motown records.’ ‘..You’re telling me that you want to be completely healthy in two days?’ Eric said butting in our conversation. ‘I’ve got no choice, do you really think they’re going to postpone the appointment, no bro. They’re not going to show interest if I don’t show up telling them I’m sick. How professional.’ ‘Bruno. You’re sick, and there is no way in hell you’ll be okay by Saturday. I’ve never seen you like this. And if you’re not even able to drive your own car home then I don’t see you being able to show them all you got.’ ‘I don’t need to show them all I’ve got I need to show them enough Alissa, don’t you get how much of a deal this is to me?’ ‘What would you do if you were in my shoes.’ That shut me up. ‘..Whatever, I’ll just make an appointment at the general practitioner and see what he’s got to say because I don’t remember neither one of you getting your doctors certificate.’ I could feel that Eric got annoyed. ‘Just, shut up and eat okay?’ he said turning off the stove.
‘I’ve never seen him like that I’m so worried, he totally hammered into that guy I don’t know what was wrong with him. I swear to god Echelle. I have no idea what got into him.’ These chicks have been talking about the same thing the whole entire time I’ve been sitting in this waiting room.
I got so annoyed of their voices that I grabbed my earphones and started listening music to distract myself. One of the girls obviously named Echelle, noticed and elbowed her friend a little warning her that they might’ve annoyed a few people..or well all of them. I keep listening to my music and after a few songs the doctor comes in smiling at me and with that I knew I had to come with him. I chuckled and got up, taking my earphones out putting my phone back into my pocket. ‘Hi doc.’ I’ve known this guy since forever. Well..5 years. The first day I got to L.A is when I got food poisoning so that was the first time I got here, we’re a lot alike really, the only thing is..he’s 48 and I’m 23 so.. you might get it.
I sit down and he looks at me pushing his glasses up his nose. ‘You don’t look good son.’ ‘I don’t feel good either, that’s the whole point of me being here.’ He chuckled. ‘So what’s the problem now?’ ‘I don’t know.. mostly I do but this time I really don’t. I’m not even able to drive a car without having the fear of myself to pass out or get in an accident. I’m just tired, and my head feels just..so heavy.’ ‘Weird.’ ‘Exactly’ ‘do you have any strong pains anywhere?’ ‘Nowhere else but my head..’ ‘Son, I think you need to calm down a bit.’ ‘What?’ ‘You’re either overworked or completely stressed out.’ ‘Both.’ ‘Well that concludes this!’ ‘What..do you mean?’ I asked. ‘The fact is.. you can’t handle yourself. It’s a very common disease. Are you under a lot of stress lately?’ ‘..well..’ at that I think back at how I didn’t want to go back home a failure. How I spent days in the studio without sleeping, how I spent 2 weeks next to Alissa in the hope she was going to wake up, how I’m still in a struggle with the fact that I still haven’t reached my goal after almost 5 years. How seeing Alissa yell at her mom and seeing her hurt haven’t helped me with the rest either. And almost every night I can’t sleep in the fear that someone’s going to hurt my baby. Every night I’m almost strangling her holding her as close as possible to me. ‘I guess.’ I answer. ‘You guess? If you ask me you had to think about it for quite a while’ ‘I..okay you’re right.’ I sigh ‘so what now? Do I get like..pills or something.’ ‘Sleeping pills yes, and my advice is to calm down a little bit, maybe take a week off or something.’ ‘I can’t, I already did.’ ‘When?’ ‘I got back from Hawaii 4 days ago. I stayed there a week.’ ‘How was it?’ ‘In some ways stress full..but good I guess’ he chuckled ‘Look Bruno, stop guessing and start knowing okay?’ I smile ‘I guess.’ ‘Funny.’ ‘Always.’ ‘Here’s your prescription’ he says handing it over to me. ‘I think you know where to go.’ ‘I guess doc.’ ‘Get out already.’ ‘Okay then’ I say chuckling. I shake his hand and I leave the room walking down the hall. As I get in line to pick up my meds I see Dionne stand behind the counter. I swap to her line and as it’s my turn she looks at me. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Nahh, I’m fine I just happened to stop by here.’ She sighed and took the paper out of my hands, I chuckle and look at her. ‘So..how’s pregnant life.’ ‘..I uhh..good.’ ‘Does it move already?’ ‘Not yet..’ ‘You’re 4 months pregnant are you sure you don’t? I mean..you’re not showing either..’ ‘Well, let me just get your pills.’ ‘Oh cut the crap Dionne. I know it’s fake.’ ‘WHAT!?’ ‘Alissa told me. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell on you, Phred deserves this.’ ‘Really? You think?’ ‘Yeah, he’s been a total dick lately.. Kinda like me before I met Alissa.’ ‘You’re still a dick’ ‘Not in the way I used to be’ ‘…okay..don’t want to here more, here are your pills now leave! You’re holding up the line’ I chuckle ‘Bye.’ I say walking out.
As I walk back home I hardly pay attention to anything around me. I have my earphones in walking back home, making my intuition pick where I walk and it worked cause after a few minutes I was home. As I open the door, hang my jacket and walk into the living room I head laughter come from the kitchen. I walk there and I see Phil and Ari fucking around. ‘..What the hell are you doing in my house.’ ‘Alissa said you’d be here..’ Ari says still laughing about whatever they were laughing about. ‘how’d you guys get in?’ I say sitting down at the dining table resting my head in my hands. ‘I have a key remember?’ Phil said with a little worried tone. ‘..Right..’ My mind was getting a little blurry out of nowhere. ‘Uhm, why are you here? Where’s Alissa?’ ‘Alissa headed to the gym with Joelle.’ ‘And we have to take care of you.’ ‘..Go away.’ I say putting out a little chuckle. ‘You got pills?’ Ari said picking them up reading the label. ‘Is it that serious?’ Phil asked. ‘Obviously.’ ‘Awwwww, you can’t sleep brubru?’ Ari says teasing. ‘This is why I want you to leave..please’ ‘Fine man..call me when you need us okay?’Phil said putting his hand on my shoulder ‘I won’t .’ I say taking of my jacket and shoes. ‘..Fine then..’ Ari says laughing. ‘Thanks for stopping by.’ I say going upstairs. When I lay in bed with nothing but my sweatpants and underwear on I hear the door close. I take a pill and swallow it while drinking water, and before I knew it I was out.
Alissa’s Mind @ The gym 3.20 PM
‘I-I can’t g-go any…longer’ Joelle said slowing down a bit on. I look back and laugh. ‘Come on! 2 more miles’ ‘NU-UH SISTER.’ She says catching up on me making me stop. She was breathing so heavily that I thought she was going to collapse sometime soon. ‘You’re the dancer here okay, you’re the one that’s in shape. I spent hours in a white room trying to get hit by some amazing idea for a sculpture or painting, therefore I’m not in shape and I don’t have to be!’ ‘Well..try being in shape then.’ I say pissing her off. I know that if I piss her off she’s going to forget about her being exhausted and she’ll chase me for at least 2 blocks. ‘…I just told you th..’ ‘That you’re a lazy fuck, I get it. You like to quit’ I say pushing her a little further off the edge’ ‘..what.’ ‘You heard me’ ‘I did..’ I see her getting tense so I take my chance. ‘CHASE ME GIRL’ and with that I take off, I’m surprised at how fast Joelle can run if she really sets her mind on murdering the hell out of me. After almost 15 minutes of running we arrive at my old apartment. ‘See. I got you home.’ ‘OH MY GOD!’ she yelled sitting down leaning her back against the building door. ‘See..that wasn’t so hard’ I say breathing heavily. ‘Right.’ She says glaring at me. ‘You had to come on.’ ‘NO I DID NOT.’ ‘Well you did so..’ ‘I’ll get you back.’ ‘how?’ ‘Like I’m gonna tell you..’ ‘Well what the fuck, I deserve it.’ ‘So..uhm..now we got Kam’s number…when are you going to call him’ well, I guess that’s the way you change a subject. ‘When I’m home or something. Or I’ll just text him to come see me somewhere. I don’t wanna be a pussy you know?’ ‘Yeah..but..you’re not going alone though.’ ‘Will you come?’ ‘Of course I’ll come. And uhh be sure to tell Bruno.’ ‘He won’t let me.’ ‘..oh yeah, forgot. He’s so overprotective since you both got back from Hawaii, will you ever tell me what happened?’ ‘I told you..we went back to the house and..well..I told him a lot.’ ‘Did you see any people?’ This creeps me out. Joelle is asking me multiple questions that I don’t know how to answer. I don’t want her to find out about mom. So she won’t, but if she keeps asking me questions then things are going to be too complicated and to many lies will be told, and that the only thing I don’t want to do. Lie. ‘Yeah, some past people you know?’ ‘School? Work?’ ‘Both.’ She starts chuckling. ‘Why so tense?’ She asks getting up. ‘Thinking back at them is weird..thinking about the fact that Kam is here and that I’m most likely going to talk to him again is weird. Life is just…’ ‘Weird?’ ‘Exactly.’ She sighs. ‘Should I get you home? I’ll get the car keys upstairs..’ ‘No I’ll walk, I uhh need to clear my mind a little.’ ‘Okay..be careful’ ‘I will’ ‘Love you sis’ ‘Love you.’ I say walking off. I take my phone out of my leather jacket choosing the option “text message” at Kam’s name.
Meet me outside the club you were two
days ago, 3.15 PM tomorrow.
That’ll do. I click send and keep walking home. Thinking about telling Joelle about mom. And if I did..how I would tell her, I know I promised myself to put the past in the past but is it that hard for people to understand that..it’s impossible. I won’t ever forgive myself if I won’t tell Joelle the truth someday. And I know that if I wait too long, the chances are huge that she won’t be able to forgive me. She’ll be terrified. She looks like the mentally stronger sister but..she isn’t. I’m glad I went through all the bad things in life, always taking the blame. Taking her place, letting myself suffer instead of her because if she did.. god knows where she’d be right now. And I’ll keep protecting my sister in every way possible no matter what I have to do. I feel like it’s my responsibility even though she’s the older sister. After a few minutes I get home and when I feel my pocket vibrate I check my phone, opening the reply.
Meet you there.
- I had exams, I was in school from 8 AM to 9 PM the past 2 weeks helping with the school concert and even performing at the school concert. It was exhausting I will tell you, but in the end it was a great experience. I'm back now. FULL TIME
so be prepared for more hehehe
ANDDD I'm afraid I've lost more readers than ever because I can't comment on people's profiles anymore updating them but if you just comment me your twitter then I'll update everyone that's still interrested in reading my story via twitter.
THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME.